


if today's become tomorrow (or it's all just gone to hell)

by DrowningInStarlight



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 02:47:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20302177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrowningInStarlight/pseuds/DrowningInStarlight
Summary: Written from the prompt "You were crying."





	if today's become tomorrow (or it's all just gone to hell)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from This Too Shall Pass by Danny Schmidt.

It’s Zolf, kneeling next to Azu, when she jerks awake from her dream. 

“You were crying,” he says, shuffling back to give her space when he sees she’s awake. “Sorry.” 

Azu just shakes her head, as she sits up on her bedroll. The fire’s burnt low, barely illuminating the sleeping bags she knows contain Hamid and Cel. They’re both still, and Azu’s glad that she didn’t wake everyone, at least. 

“Sorry for disturbing you,” she says briefly, brushing the tears off her cheeks. 

Zolf sits back on his bedroll quietly. “You don’t need to apologize for having nightmares. Especially not to me, of all people.”

“Still.” 

They’re silent. The little glade they’re camped in seems to fall into stillness with them, and there’s nothing to distract Azu from the chaos of her own thoughts. Flashes of her dreams still fill her mind, warmth and softness and green, green grass. 

“I hate this,” she says suddenly. Zolf looks at her, but she doesn’t have any answers to the questions in his eyes. Why is she admitting this? She doesn’t trust Zolf, really, but he’s… what?

It’s kindness, she realizes, kindness so warped by this new world that she almost doesn’t recognize it. He’s kind. She wants to trust him, despite the cage, despite everything.

She wishes she could talk to Sasha, who knew him, or Grizzop, who’s sense of morality is sharper than even his arrows. She’d ask them for advice, or she’d listen to them bicker and cheat at cards, or anything. She’d take anything if it meant they were okay, if she got to see them again. Her eyes start to prickle all over again. She looks over at the small heaped blanket that’s concealing Hamid, just to check he’s still there, still safe. Zolf clearly catches her gaze, even in the low light. 

“He’s safe,” he says. 

“I know. I’m not letting anything-- not after--” she knows the tears are audible in her voice, and she does her best to swallow them down. It’s her brother’s voice in her head as she thinks to herself come on, Azu, you can’t break down here. They need you, they need you. You can’t fail anyone else. 

“I know how you’re feeling,” Zolf says. “But it wasn’t your fault.” 

“How would you know? You weren’t there,” Azu snaps, then stops, takes a deep breath. She offers a wordless prayer to Aphrodite before adding in a calmer voice, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to shout at you.” 

“No, no,” Zolf says, waving away her words. “You’re right. I wasn’t there. But look, Azu, I know I haven’t known you very long, and it’s been a very stressful couple of years for all of us, but,” He looks at her directly, the firelight reflecting dimly in his eyes. “If there was anything you could have done to save Grizzop and… and Sasha, then you would have done it.” 

“You can’t possibly know that.” 

“You get really good at spotting the people who are committed to protecting their team, you know, actually protecting them, not just talking big with nothing to back it up, in this line of work.” 

Azu didn’t answer. Zolf didn’t push. Hamid turned over and started snoring, ever so gently. The noise seems ridiculous in the somber quiet. 

“I can’t believe he still does that,” Zolf says, amused. “D’you wanna poke him, or shall I?” 

“Don’t you dare,” Azu says, but not seriously. She doesn’t trust Zolf, but she does trust that he won’t hurt Hamid. Small mercies. She lets another moment pass before saying quietly, “It wasn’t a nightmare.” 

“What?” 

“It wasn’t a nightmare. What I was dreaming. The nightmares I can handle, this was…” she put her hand to the heart of Aphrodite necklace, seeking whatever comfort it could bring her. “Everything was just normal again. I was at my home, where I grew up in Kenya, and my brother was there. Sasha and Grizzop and Hamid were too, and everything was good. It was really good. And I knew it wasn’t real, but that only made me want to hold on tighter. But they’re gone, that whole world’s gone, and I know that. I just want... I don’t know. I don’t even know what I want anymore.” 

“You know, some mornings I still go to wake up my brother,” Zolf says. “Every time it feels like a betrayal, and Feryn’s been dead decades. But what I’m trying to say is… I’m sorry we can’t give you time.”

“No, you’re right. I can’t sit and do nothing, I can’t. It’s better this way. I just wish better meant okay.”

“Gods, don’t we all,” Zolf agrees. 

Hamid sits up with a small confused noise, his blanket still pulled around his shoulders. and He looks sleepily over at them, smiling at Zolf before tugging his bedroll over next to Azu, looking at her beseechingly. She doesn’t hesitate to hold out her arms and let Hamid cuddle up. 

They sit there, continuing to stare at the fire, until Cel wakes up. They open one eye, then the other, and without lifting their head say, “Oh, having a midnight vigil, are we?” 

“Yep,” Zolf says.

“Where’s the little one?” 

“‘M here,” Hamid says, voice muffled. 

“Oh! Fair enough. Thought you were Azu’s blanket,” they say. “Anyone hungry? I’m hungry. I’ll put something on. Cooking and alchemy, not actually as unrelated as they sound! Well, in theory they’re not, but there’s no point in lighting two fires, I always say--” they look at Azu, and suddenly add, “And I’ll stick some hot chocolate on, too, if you like.” 

“Thanks, Cel,” Azu says. 

Dawn breaks slowly, but it does break, illuminating the tin mugs of hot chocolate, the plates scraped clean, and the sleeping forms of Zolf, Cel, Hamid and Azu. 

Azu’s sleep, for once, is dreamless.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr as drowninginstarlights!


End file.
